David, a caller from Boise, Idaho, turned to “The Ramsey Show” over growing money tensions in his eight-year relationship.
He told hosts personal finance expert Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman that he and his girlfriend have accumulated about $60,000 in debt and earn roughly $10,000 a month combined.
David described himself as focused on budgeting and debt reduction, while his girlfriend, also 38, is more spontaneous with money. He wants to aggressively pay down the debt, but she prefers that he begin first and plans to join later after seeing results — a dynamic that has turned financial discussions into repeated arguments.
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Ramsey said the situation is shaped by the fact that David and his girlfriend are not married. Because of that, he said, there is no shared legal or financial structure.
“You’re having an argument with your roommate about how your roommate handles money,” Ramsey said, stressing that the legal and financial reality does not match the way David describes their situation.
He said each person has separate legal responsibilities and separate income. Even though David refers to their finances as shared, Ramsey said lenders, employers, and creditors recognize them only as two individuals, not a single unit.
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“You’re trying to pretend like you’re married financially when you’re not,” he said, adding that the mismatch creates ongoing strain.
“Eight years is long enough time to paint or get off the ladder,” Ramsey said, addressing whether the relationship was moving forward in a defined way.
He said couples often struggle when they try to coordinate finances without making that call. “You’re going to struggle to prosper relationally until you make that decision,” Ramsey said, adding that financial progress is also harder when legal responsibilities remain separate.
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Ramsey said that if marriage is the intended direction, premarital counseling should be part of the process, especially given their different approaches to money. He said couples with contrasting financial styles often succeed when they agree on direction and expectations.
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